and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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