Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
