My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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