where am i from again
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
