Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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