You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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