It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
