so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
