Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
