pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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