WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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