I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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