Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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