This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
