This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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