I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
