so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
