There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
