fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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