i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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