he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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