just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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