my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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