his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
