I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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