you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Boobs speak an international language.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
