I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
