hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
