Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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