so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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