Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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