hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
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Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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