TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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