I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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