Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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