I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
