we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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