We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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