we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
