I'm lost and stupid without you.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I want to fling myself into the sun
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
