Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
