my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
