Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
