hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
