Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
