Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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