There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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