his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
