I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
