I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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