Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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