I met the friendliest cop last night
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
