the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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