Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
