so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
