Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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