You don't have asthma, your pregnant
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
