I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
