Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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