You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
