I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
