Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
