I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
