Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
