YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
