i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
