she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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