My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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