she looked like the bat from fern gully.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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