Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
there is glitter all over my balls
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
