...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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