Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
