the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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