Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
