Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
